Every time a new Star Wars movie comes out, we all get excited to see what they do with it, where the filmmakers take us, and we naively assume it will be the "best" Star Wars movie ever.
But the fact of the matter is Star Wars ended in 1983.
But the fact of the matter is Star Wars ended in 1983.
You can argue all you want that the prequels "explain" Darth Vader's origin story, and that Rogue One, Solo, and the new sequels expand on the Star Wars universe.
And that's fine because on paper, you'd be right.
But if we're talking about character integrity and the lore's authenticity, they're high-budget fan films.
"But Philip, how can they be fan films when LucasFilm is releasing them?", you might ask.
To be honest, I don't know how the scripts are getting green-lit. I remember, as a kid, seeing the opening crawl of Episode I in theaters (which George Lucas wrote), instantly realizing the tone was entirely off. Then Attack of the Clones was shoddily built on top of it, then Revenge of the Sith was obligatorily stacked on top of Episode II, as if their goal was to create some sort of leaning tower of prequels.
Then they finally gave us The Force Awakens, which would have been great if the new characters alluded to the old ones without ever meeting them, or if they met them and were all part of one big team.
The worst thing they could have done is what they ended up doing, which was having Han Solo kind of come back as an old man who doesn't behave like Han Solo anymore, is devoid of all aspirations, and has been scrambling around the galaxy like Dory in Finding Nemo for the past 30 years.
!!!
Then he's gone. But then Luke shows up, but not really because now he's lazy and scared. Also Leia's there, kind of. But not really because she's replaced by Laura Dern. Oh-- just kidding-- Laura Dern's character's gone, too.
At a certain point, you can't help but tune it all out and ask... "Guys... what are you doing? Why did you write it like this? Why didn't you collaborate more to make it more well-thought-out and (most importantly) fun?"
In Solo-- I'm not exaggerating-- I almost walked out an hour through from sheer boredom. And I almost never leave movies early (Show Dogs was this years' exception). This is especially sad because I was so excited to see a youthful Han Solo adventure. The special effects were good, but the movie felt too much like a cosplay event where they let some young fans pretend to play Han and Lando in front of a green screen. Solo's Han behaves nothing like classic Han, and the new Lando is essentially a caricature of "Robot Chicken" Lando impersonations. But according to the studios, it's officially Star Wars. This, to me, is like going to Vegas and seeing a guy wearing a cardboard Elvis Presley mask genuinely trying to convince you he is Elvis. I just don't buy it.
Even the story in Solo would have been more impactful if they were playing new characters, but they were so untrue to these characters from the original trilogy, it was a constant distraction. This is the problem with prequels-- the characters and actors are hindered by having to be like the old, not giving them the freedom to create something entirely new. I just don't understand how this film even made it to theaters without being re-written and redone from scratch so as to fit the mold more appropriately.
Or maybe that's what happened when they fired Phil Lord and Chris Miller, but I can almost guarantee their version would have been better because The Lego Movie and The Last Man on Earth are modern masterpieces.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that no Star Wars movie will ever give me the same high I got when renting the original trilogy from Blockbuster in the mid-90s. I know this is a scathing review from a Disney guy (yo), but we already knew the studios were unconfident in the movie before its release, had to hire an acting coach for the main character after they had already cast him, fired the original directors for making it "too funny", and now that it's underperforming at the box office, I mean, come on. What did you expect?
I love finding and appreciating new things. And if you enjoyed this movie, I'm glad. But I'm very careful to not like something just because of what it's called. A lot of movies, books, even shows bear the "Star Wars" name, but aside from some of the masterfully made video games, I can't consider any of this content "true Star Wars" unless it was made between 1977 and 1983... don't count the Star Wars Holiday Special (which surprisingly had a stylish cartoon with Boba Fett and a hilarious sketch including Harvey Korman with an alcoholic volcano atop his cranium. Yes, really).
And don't even think of looking into the Ewok T.V. movies from the 80s.
