Thursday, July 24, 2014

Conan the Barbarian

"EEEEIIEIEN!!! EEEEEIIIIIIRRRRN! EEEAAAARGH!", says Arnold Schwarzenegger (and a bunch of his impersonators). This is what I thought Conan the Barbarian would be, as a movie.

Surprisingly, it's more than just a googly eyed, romanticized version of what you might think-- a young Schwarzenegger-esque brute who cuts people in half.

I just said it's more than that!

I've always known there was a story to this movie, I just didn't know what to expect. First of all, it doesn't take place in our world. It takes place in a mystical, fictional land known as "Cimmeria". The world is like a melting pot of Medieval Mongolian Vikings. Even more interesting is the fact that it's not an original concept. It's based on the works on a short lived writer named Robert E. Howard, who made the world of Cimmeria in the early 1930s. "Conan" as a character was added a few years later. (I mention this because I'm a firm believer that you should always establish a world for your characters to live in before you make the characters, themselves. That way, you can avoid having to accommodate their environment to their capabilities and in turn, you end up with a richer, more believable world).

The movie itself is just fun. The writing's not phenomenal, but it's full of ridiculous and hilarious performances by Schwarzenegger and the one and only James Earl Jones. Without spoiling anything, I will say I was surprised that Conan doubles as both a barbarian and a thief. I really thought this was a movie about Arnold swinging a sword on the beach for two hours, cutting the occasional head off as passersby try and pass him by. It's more of a bank heist/western film chronicling a buff man's quest for glory and vengeance.

While watching it, I really felt immersed in its bizarre lands. If you like video games where you mercilessly and unrealistically destroy thousands of tyrant-led goons, if you like movies about a group of friends who set out on a seemingly impossible adventure, if you want something as gritty as it is goofy, do yourself a favor and watch the 1982 version of Conan the Barbarian. I'm honestly excited to see its sequel, Conan the Destroyer!

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