Rogue Fun: A Star Wars Blog Post

If you've never seen the Star Wars movies, this probably isn't the post you're looking for.

The new Rogue One trailer is one of my new favorite things. It reignited my excitement for Star Wars that tends to wane in and out of my heart (or whatever it is that makes you feel things-- your brain, soul, or nerve endings).

Something about the cinematography, along with the music and surprisingly charming sirens in the trailer made me remember how much I miss romanticizing about the vastness of the Star Wars universe.

The pre-prequel games come to mind. Those games were GREAT! Playing games like Rogue Squadron, Rebel Assault, Shadows of the Empire... hell, even Yoda Stories were some of my best times as a kid.

Not a fan of the prequels, though. I recently played Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga and realized why so many hardcore fans are so anti-prequel. And I'll tell you: The prequels lack a true sense of creative freedom and adventure.

Imagine if Anakin started off as an adult in The Phantom Menace. He would have been like Luke, yearning for something greater, when Obi-Wan Kenobi would have found him helped free him and his mother from whatever Watto is.

Pretty sure he's a CGI Muppet, Gonzo's lost brother.

Seriously, why didn't Qui-Gon Jinn fight to free Anakin's mom? Because it wouldn't be right to liberate a person from her slave owner? He didn't even try! Is Qui-Gon Jinn pro-slavery? Why is he okay with separating children from their parents?

Things like this made the ten-year-old me scratch my head in theaters. That, and the fact that everything in Episode One had to deal with a war against the Trade Federation, which is like America waging war on the UPS.

So let's say Episode One took the time to think about those details. And let's say they didn't explain the force by saying there are microorganisms in force-attuned people called "midi-chlorians." That threw me off so much. I always saw the force as a mystical ghost energy, not a genetic syphilis of superpowers.

And why did Anakin's mom have a virgin birth? Is Darth Vader Jesus? I mean, Christ. Darth Vader's cool, but I don't remember him turning water into blue wine.

Anyway. My point is that the story should have been its own story. Anakin could have still been the protagonist, but it would have been so much better if there was a consistent villain throughout. Instead, we had to meet Anakin all over again in Episode Two when he was an adult and the plot started meandering as he started hanging out with Palpatine.

Why so much Palpatine? We didn't need to see every step that led to A New Hope. The prequels took place decades before that.

So here's what I propose. Darth Maul should have been the villain throughout the entire prequel trilogy. He was a cool villain with the potential to rival Vader in pop culture, if he had been given more story and screen time. He should have been a merciless killer that Anakin Skywalker genuinely wanted to stop. Anakin should have confronted him in every movie, just like Luke did with Vader. Anakin should have resorted to learning the ways of the dark side (along with the light) in order to defeat Maul. In the end, Padme should have left Anakin for becoming too ruthless, and he should have eventually defeated Maul. Having lost his love while gaining so much power, he should have given in to the dark side because the power was so seductive, not because he was having some weird dreams about his wife dying in labor. I mean, yeesh. I thought this was Star Wars.

But what do I know? I mean, I have no medi-chlorians, so... there's that.